"....even
if I was, or even that I am, I don't want to put that idea in my mind. It makes
me feel like I am more pathetic than I really am, which will then influence
others to think that way, which in fact I'm not even so."
Have you ever wonder? About who you really are.
You, without those influences. I mean the real you. The personality that shows
you, not that people want you to show or that you want to show to people. The
ones already there, deep down in your heart and your mind, since you were born.
Although I am not certainly sure that it is the real you. I mean what if you
are actually the product of those influences instead. That actually you are not
even a you, not until you are shaped by those influences including your mom,
your toys, your bubble gum under the table, and your neighbours' wall. Those
things are what makes you 'you'. I mean that yes, God created you with certain
personality from the beginning, but it's in a shape of like a seed, that it's
there but not actually there until it is watered by certain influences.
If my comparison is right, we could basically
determine who we really are then, by shaping our environment, selecting our
close friends, where we educate ourselves, where we live, how we live, how we
eat including understanding the art of using spoon and the things we like as
well as we don't like. It's like we eliminate the seeds we don't want to grow,
so that we could be someone we would like to be. Is it that easy as it sounds?
of course not.
I happen to think something really spesific
lately. Have you ever going somewhere alone? Having lunch, or buying things, or
exercises? now, did you decided to do it alone because it's fine to go alone,
because you didn't want to bother others, because no one can accompany you, or
because you just didn't think you get deep enough with anyone so that you feel
like who am I to ask such favour? I'm sure your answer vary that it might be
beyond what have been stated, it's fine, I'm here to tell you the complexity of
sounds easy. The next question is, is going alone make you feel lonely? Some
people might feel it that way, either because of lacking the feeling of having
someone who stays or they just don't feel it quite comfortable with themselves,
or others (too many possibilities). Some others might feel it just fine, either
because of their comfort with themselves, or they just don't want to feel like
dependent on others, or else (still). The thing is, what if you feel lonely not
because of those reasons, but because of the perpective of others regarding the
state of going alone; and what if you feel fine, not because you are indeed
alright, but because you don't want to feel otherwise, a denial.
Idea
is a simple thing that often creates a bigger issue. It tends to grow and
influence rather than passively representing notion. One of the most
influential matters regarding our personality, who we are, is an idea.
Sometimes, what you belief shapes you harder than what your environtment is
trying to convey. (Lig)
